Small Group Discussion Questions on Grief, Suffering, & Loss

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Discussion Questions

David's Cry Heard 'Round the World

What is your favorite thing to do to pass the time when you are bored? Have you ever found it a time-waster? Why?
Where does boredom come from? How is it related to our expectations? Is it ever a response to “isolation” and “waiting”?
What causes spiritual boredom? Have you ever been spiritually tired like King David and just wanted to check out and have a break? How vulnerable does this make you to poor choices?
Read Psalm 22 as though you were sitting next to David as he composed it. What most strikes you about David’s pain? What strikes you about his insights into the human condition?
Describe David’s concern for his son Absalom before the battle. Is that normal for a father to feel towards a son? How must David feel as he awaited news about him from the battlefront?
What words could be used to describe the pain David felt at the news of the death of his son? How did he feel about having no funeral for his son? How would you feel if you were one of his soldiers at that moment?
Recite David’s words, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” out loud with the tone and emphasis you believe David would have used.
Have words similar to David’s ever been your own words as well? What brought you to that point? Did the words help?

Isolation and Sacred Distancing

Have you ever had someone you could genuinely call your “best friend”? What makes for a best friend in your estimation?
Imagine being Jesus’ best friend? What might you have in common to build a friendship upon? What role would you play in his life, and he in yours? How might the distance between the two of you shape the friendship and acts of friendship?
Envision Martha in the kitchen working away and Mary in the den talking and laughing with Jesus. Which sister is more like you? If you are a Martha, what would you like to say in your defense? That said, what are you missing out on by being in the kitchen?
When Lazarus was sick with a virus or something and dying, what would your telegram to Jesus have said? Would you have added a bit more detail? How might text-messaging change this dynamic today? Do you think Jesus would own a smart-phone?
Do you find prayer, and praying for people, hard work? Why? Do you think the great saints who prayed hours every day did as well?
What secrets of prayer may we learn from Mary and Martha? From their message? From their attitudes towards Jesus?
Visualize your intercessory prayers for others as placing people into the giant hands of God. How does that give you peace? How can praying help keep people in God’s hands?
How does praying for others and placing them in God’s hands supply us a “peace” in the midst of challenging days? How can we know a “peace that passes understanding”? Can that peace really “guard” our heart and our worrying mind?

Disappointment with God - or with Jesus, Anyway

Have you ever made an “elevator pitch? What was it and what were you hoping to accomplish?
When you need to get an urgent message to someone quickly, how do you do it? How do you ‘mark” it as “urgent”?
Have you ever rehearsed your lines for an important conversation in order to get them right? What were the stakes that made you go to this extra effort?
Jesus entered the isolation of God willingly, why? Why did he only listen and act on God’s command when it came to his words or actions? What would it look like if we paused and listened for God’s leading before we acted or spoke? Would we decline more invitations? Would we speak less?
Jesus said Lazarus' sickness would result in “God’s glory.” What does that mean? How can Jesus be glorified through something like a coronavirus? Could the same be said when we are sick, “It is not about death but about God’s glory”? How might God want to be glorified through us even now?
Hypothetically speaking, were the sisters correct to say, “If Jesus were here our brother would not be dying?” Could we say the same thing today, or in the midst of a pandemic, if Jesus were physically present in our pain? If Jesus showed up somewhere would things be made right again?
The sisters were convinced when Jesus returned that he would heal Lazarus and make everything right again. Is that your expectation for the return of Jesus Christ today? Why or why not? Are most Christians still awaiting the return of Jesus Christ to make us whole and set the world right again? Or have we given up?
The sisters were disappointed in Jesus for not coming sooner—for abandoning them. Have you ever felt abandoned by God? Is it OK to be disappointed in God? Have you ever found God to be “unfair”? Have you ever felt God to be “silent”? Have you ever felt God “hidden” and distant?
Every worldview or world religion tries to answer the question of suffering and evil in the world. What can we learn from the “partial truth” of other viewpoints? Is there anything there that is true? What can the Hebrew prophets tell us that is still helpful?
If you were to frame your doubts and questions about God and Jesus in the “frame” of what you know to be true about the—what would the truths be? (frame)

Absence and Isolation

How important was it for you to not be absent from school? How important was it to be on time? Did you hate “tardies” or rolled in when you could?
How important do you think it is for God not to be absent? How important is to Him to not be tardy?
If God loves us so much, why does he seem to arrive late, or be absent, when we need him the most? How can that be love?
Has God ever been so busy doing other things He just honestly had no time for us? Why or why not? How can God have the time needed to be there for each of the 6 billion who could pray to him at any moment?
What was Jesus learning as he waited in spiritual isolation and sacred distancing? What was his quarantine experience designed to do for him? For the sisters?
Why did God the Father make Jesus stay in place and serve others when he was ready to go to Bethany?
Are there really lessons Jesus had to learn from experience—just like us? How could Jesus, “learn obedience through the things he suffered” (Heb. 5: 8)? Is it possible God puts us to isolate and stay in place for similar reasons?
What does it mean that we “grow through what we go through”? How is the Quarantine or Isolation a place of growth? What is learned there?
How is the sacred distancing an opportunity to serve others we find there as well? If Jesus kept working while he waited, how can we do the same?
Can we, like Jesus, “wait”—even while still knowing that our situation will not end in defeat? Can we have confidence God will be glorified through our situation as well?

Falling Asleep

Do you like to sleep? Or do you avoid sleep and fight against it? Is it a “hobby” you love to do? What is your funniest story about sleep or “wild dreams”?
Are you an early morning person or a late-night person? When do you do your best work? Why do you think that is so?
What was Jesus’ attitude toward work? When would he stop doing his work? How did he know when it was time to move on?
How will we know when God is calling us to a different task? How can we avoid “running from” something and instead be “called to” something new?
In what ways is death like “falling asleep”? Why do you think this language of “falling asleep” became so important to God’s people?
Does your computer have a “sleep” mode? In what ways is death like “sleep mode” on your computer?
How could Jesus be both sad and glad about the death of Lazarus? What made him glad? Has there ever been a time you were both sad and glad about the death of someone? Why?
How do the apostle’s actions of returning to Bethany with Jesus model discipleship for us? What does it look like for us to follow Jesus even into danger or death?
Jesus is willing to die in order to go and awaken one who is asleep. Is this an image of the gospel as well?

Confronting God

What is the most elaborate party you ever attended? What is the most meaningful funeral service you have ever attended? Which event shaped you more? Why? Was Solomon (Eccl. 7: 1-4) correct?
Do you agree that Christianity is different from other world religions because Jesus is alive and can attend a funeral? How does Jesus’ resurrection set the truth claims of Christianity apart?
What words do you believe would describe Jesus during his two days or working-while-waiting before going to Bethany? What was Jesus learning by not quickly springing to the rescue?
Do you think Jesus talked much during the one-day journey once they began to travel to Bethany? Or was he alone in his thoughts? What would you have done as you traveled?
What were Martha’s first words to Jesus? Were those polite words? Was she really asking, “Why have you forsaken us?” What was she feeling at this time?
When Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again,” did Martha receive his words as a religious platitude? What platitudes get said often at funerals that do not mean much to those grieving?
In saying, “I am the resurrection and the life” what was Jesus claiming? Unpack it: I Am | The Resurrection | The Life
Jesus was claiming to be the ultimate meaning of life: Life after life after death. Does this mean he was claiming some type of “new creation” for his followers? Does the concept of “metamorphosis” help here?
How can Jesus promise we who die will still live and those now living will never die? What does Jesus mean by the word “die” and how does it relate to life with God?
Read Romans 8: 37-39 and make a list of all the things NOT powerful enough to separate a follower of Jesus from him as resurrection and Life. Do you believe it?

Why Would God Allow It?

Can you think of times as a young child when you genuinely trusted your parents? How did you determine you could really trust them? How had they proved themselves trustworthy?
What does it mean to trust God? Is it something we place on a dollar bill or does it mean more? Could it possibly mean that we believe God’s plan for our life is better than our own?
A father once told Jesus, “I believe, help my unbelief” (Mark 9: 24). Is our capacity to trust God like that? Can we both believe and harbor unbelief at the same time? How can we trust Jesus while harboring some doubts as well?
Do you blame Martha for blurting out, “If you had been here my brother would not have died”? Do you find this similar to the words of David at the death of Absalom?
What did Martha know to be true about Jesus, even though he did not come to heal Lazarus? How was this a geo-political statement of where her trust lay?
Mary may have thought she would confront Jesus with her question as Martha had done. Instead, she first fell to her knees, why? Do you have questions you are saving up to ask God when heaven arrives? Do you think you will really ask it or just fall at the feet of Jesus in worship as Mary did?
Did worship of Jesus erase her doubts and questions making them go away?
Did worship adjust her own heart? How?
Do you have a “bearer group” you know will carry your needs to Jesus in your time of need? Who are they? Where did you find such friends?
How do you deal with the seeming unfairness of God? Are you a thinker or a feeler? How does that influence your approach to God in the midst of doubt?
Do thinkers try to get all of heaven into their heads and get cynical?
Do feelers only need to get their head into heaven and just catch a glimpse?
Is it okay to tell God you do not understand what he is doing and that you do not like it either? Can such things be said with a worshipful heart and in simple trust? How?

The Tears of God

Do you ever laugh at some of the things that now make you cry (a commercial, a song, a poem, a proposal when you do not even know the people)? Are you a crier? Are you the opposite, more of a stoic? Can criers and stoics ever fully understand each other?
Why are some men embarrassed to cry? What do tears actually convey about us?
Imagine Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus very upset by what he had seen and experienced there. What was it that so disturbed him?
Jesus wept. What does this tell us about the humanity of Jesus? What does this say about his deity?
How do you respond to the three truths that give us all problems: God is all good; God is all-powerful; and Humankind experiences pain and suffering? How can all three be true? Or are they not all true now?
What is similar between Lazarus’ burial and a burial today? What is different?
How would you respond if Jesus asked you to dig up a buried loved one four days after they died? Do you blame Martha? Wouldn’t that be a hard thing to watch unfold?
Do tears somehow convey to God our mind, body, soul, and spirit working in tandem to bring our concerns to God? Do you ever long for those tears? How does it feel to know God, through Jesus, shed such tears for those he loves?

"The Rest of the Story"

Do you like ghost stories, haunted houses, and scary movies? Does it give you chills when dead bodies and mummies come back to life? Why or why not?
Imagine being present as the stone was rolled away from Lazarus’ tomb. Would you have imagined Jesus was about to enter it? What would you have thought when Jesus instead yelled, “Lazarus, come out”?
Pretend you are an announcer or a reporter describing what you see and hear. How would you tell this story? How would you give a moment-by-moment description of the details?
How would you explain Hades, the “waiting place,” to a young person age twelve? What is it like? Are the faithful asleep there?
Is resurrection much like the end result of metamorphosis? If so, is Hades a bit like going into a cocoon to sleep? Do we enter into death in order to be raised again as something else—something more beautiful? Discuss the similarities and differences.
Lazarus came out of the tomb and then had to “take off” his grave clothes and “put on” new clothes. How is this similar (see Eph. 4: 22-24) to an unbeliever becoming a follower of Jesus? What role does Christian baptism play in this process?
Explain each of the following responses. What would make someone who experienced and encountered the Lazarus’ story: Put their trust in Jesus? Want to get rid of Jesus? Need to honor Jesus in a significant way?
Describe the sights and smells of Martha’s elaborate dinner…and then of Mary’s extravagant gift. What would that moment have been like to an invited guest? What did that moment mean to Jesus?

The Past Is Prologue

Have you ever attended a parade? What made the atmosphere so exciting? Have you ever been in a parade? What was it like to be “inside the ropes”?
Why did the crowds line the road with palm branches and singing as Jesus entered Jerusalem? What were they so excited about? In what capacity were they welcoming Jesus? Does that kind of enthusiasm last long?
Would you have enjoyed being present when Jesus cleared the temple? What action by Jesus most surprises you? Why was Jesus so concerned about prayer—especially the prayers of foreigners?
Why does power seem to corrupt good people? How did power cause the religious leaders to make evil decisions?
Imagine Jesus showing up to teach in the temple the day after clearing the temple. Would there be large crowds to hear him? Why do you think Jesus had such wise responses to those trying to trap him? Where did his words come from anyway?
What made the disciples bicker about who would be the greatest? Are we like that? What makes us crave being a little better than everyone else?
How did Jesus washing feet give a final response to the disciples’ quest for power? Is there really a blessing in being a servant to all? Explain.
How can Jesus be such a non-anxious presence in the Garden of Gethsemane and on trial before Pilate and Caiaphas? What did he have no one else did? Is there a secret there for our anxiety also?
Which of Jesus’ seven saying from the cross is most significant for you? Why?
How did David’s words then become Jesus’ words over a thousand years later? In what ways had God the Father really forsaken Jesus? Why?

Walking in Another's Moccasins: Roles of Father and Son

Is there someone in which you can say, “I see myself in them?” Who is it? Do the similarities between you ever seem uncanny?
What makes the love of a best friend so significant? How can you tell the difference between a “casual friend” and one approaching a “best friend” category?
What makes the love of a father for an only son so significant? Is there a sense the father always sees himself in the son? Is that good, bad, what?
If you were Jesus' closest friend how would you feel? What character qualities do you think Jesus would want in a best friend?
How did Lazarus’ death prepare Jesus to better understand his own pending death? What feelings Lazarus once felt became Jesus’ own at the cross? Similarly, could Jesus' death in some way help us prepare for our own?
In what ways was Lazarus the “schoolmaster” for Jesus throughout his death? In what ways was Lazarus a counselor or guide? How did Lazarus play a role as Moses and Elijah had done for Jesus?
As Lazarus heard Jesus’ loud cry from his place in Hades, Jesus would later descend into Hades himself (see the Apostle’s Creed) as well. What did Jesus do in Hades; what was he announcing?
Did Jesus want to understand Lazarus’ death in order to better navigate his own? Do we want to know Jesus' death to better understand our own (see Phil 3: 10-11)?

Mary and Martha Cast in the "Church" Role

Personally, are you wired more to the rational side or the emotional side? What gifts do you bring to a church community because of your wiring?
Read Romans 12: 3-8. Imagine Martha without Mary or vice versa; what would be missing from their home? Imagine your church without people NOT like you, what would you be missing? How can you learn to be grateful for the differences brought by different types of people?
Think about your church community. Is it a place where Jesus would feel welcome? Could you say, “There is more love per square inch here than anywhere else I know”? Why or why not?
How can we as a church “accompany” each other through the hard times? What does it require to engage and absorb some of the sufferings of others?
How important is intercessory prayer to your church family? To you personally? Do you have names you are constantly praying for and placing in Jesus’ hands? Is there a team of people praying for those in need?
Think about the excuses the sisters could have used for not sending a telegram of intercession to Jesus. Which excuses sound like your own excuses to not pray more? Does it surprise you that Jesus knows all your unsaid prayers too?
Jesus’ delay sowed doubt among the sisters of three kinds. Is doubt prevalent among us today as well? How can we be real about our doubts while still striving to live by faith? Does God mind it when we doubt? Could it be God’s tool to increase faith?
Is there really such thing as a “ministry of absence”? What can make absence an open space for the love of God to fill?
What does it look like for a faith community to “grieve with hope”? Is there still sorrow? Is there certainty? Is the loved one who dies still alive to Jesus and to God? How?
What can we learn from the feast Martha threw to honor Jesus about the great feast to come? What does it reveal to us about the Eucharist or Lord’s Supper we observe in the meantime?

You've Now Been Cast as "Lazarus"

Have you had a “conversion experience” in coming to know Jesus as Lord/ What do you remember about it?
How important is “confessing Jesus” to our faith story? Is there something about making a public declaration that shapes us—do the words become more real?
How serious do you think Lazarus was about the consequences of sin after his trip to Hades and time spent there? Do you think he hated sin?
In some small way, was Lazarus' time under the waters of baptism a bit like self-isolation? Like a burial?
If you asked Lazarus what God was doing at Pentecost, what would he say? What did it all mean?
Read Acts 2:42-48. How did these practices help form Lazarus and others in the early church?
How central was prayer and the Lord’s Prayer to Lazarus and the early followers? What can we learn from their prayer life?
Why was a commitment to holiness so important? Who was watching them? Who was looking for a reason to discount them?
Do you think Lazarus would have really changed his business practices like in our story? What key aspects of Lazarus’ business dealing could help us in ours?
Lazarus worked for the renewal of creation—especially in Bethany. In what ways should we be about the renewal of the creation until the New Heaven and New Earth are revealed?
What would you do today if you knew Jesus was coming back tomorrow? Who would you talk to today? What actions would you engage in to make the new creation more fitting for the return of Jesus?